#79: self-love

Jun 23, 2023

👋 Welcome to the 79th issue of Out of Curiosity, a weekly newsletter promoting ideas to help get 1% better everyday.

My name is Reza, and every week, I go through nearly 100 pieces of content (from books and podcasts to newsletters and tweets), and bring you the best in this newsletter.

If you enjoyed this issue, let me know by hitting the ❤️ button ⤴

In this issue:

🤗 How I finally found self-love

🌱 Friendships form via shared context, not shared activities

💭 31 lessons from 31 years

⚡️ Choose a lifestyle

🤗 How I finally found self-love

It’s become apparent to me that much of my own and other people’s internal suffering is downstream of a lack of self-love. Everything from self-doubt, negative self-talk and self-image, to the inability to connect deeply with others, is a partial symptom of a lack of self-love.
All of us grow up with the false notion that we are not inherently “good”. This problematic belief then prevents us from loving ourselves, because well why would we be worthy of love if we’re “bad”?
Regulating my nervous system was the biggest catalyst in helping me to love myself wholeheartedly.
You shine your attention onto the emotions and sensations in the body and observe them one by one without getting attached to them. And as you do that, you start to notice that emotions shift from one moment to the next. It’s in resisting them or creating a story about them that we end up holding on to them and making them static.

→ Anita | 10-min read

🌱 Friendships form via shared context, not shared activities

In my early attempts to make friends, I tried inviting people with shared interests to activities like sailing or grabbing brunch, but I constantly felt exhausted by the interaction for reasons I couldn’t understand.
That’s why friendships formed via shared interests often feel shallow. It’s because a real friend is someone who has things that can’t be listed on a résumé: trust, loyalty, love, belonging, safety, and a sense that they’ll back you up when the times get tough.
What makes you unique is not your specific attributes. It’s your specific ties to the network around you.
What you cannot do is remove someone from their web of entanglements and replace them with an identical twin. To do so would be to disrupt the networks of mutual promises, commitments, and favours owed to others—these are what hold together the social fabric. To replace a patch would be to rip apart the threads.

→ Bill Mei | 5-min read

💭 31 lessons from 31 years

Getting punched in the face once permanently reduces your fear of it happening again.
When seeking advice, ask people in a different life station than you.
Good conversations are made up of questions. Avoid speaking for longer than three minutes without asking one.
At funerals, people don’t talk about the accomplishments of the deceased. They talk about their character.
You are what you do. Not what you say or what you believe.
Originality is impossible. Just because it’s been said before doesn’t mean it’s not worth saying again.

→ Rob Henderson's Newsletter | 2-min read

⚡️ Choose a lifestyle

This article reminded me of Jim Collin’s quote:

I think about life as having three things at least that I think are really important.

One of them is increasing simplicity. Just sheer simplicity.
Two is time in flow state.
The third is time with people I love.

Your lifestyle is made up of:
Your beliefs
The work you choose to do
Your hobbies
Who you spend time with
How you see the world
How you earn a living
Whether you start a business or not
Where you choose to live
Your family life
The balance between work vs. playtime
You can read about other people’s lifestyles as inspiration for your own. You can take what works from one person’s lifestyle and discard the rest.
It pays to question your lifestyle regularly and break the rules. A lifestyle is a blueprint, not an absolute piece of perfect art that can never ever change.